Interesting...

I now have an official job for the fall. I signed my "salary agreement" just yesterday. Like I have always said, teachers aren't in it for the money, I will be making a whooping $55420 next year. Don't be too jealous! I will be teaching a class of 29 regular education students. Well they won't all be regular education but I will be teaching a regular education class starting in September (two math, two science and one reading). That is about to make me vomit because I am worried about finding a balance between meany teacher and let them run all over you teacher....

On a separate note my special education director was polite to me this morning, after being somewhat rude to me the first week of summer school and of course ripping me a new ass for a typo in June. I wonder if she, or any of us, really thinks about what we say and how it impacts people. After here crucifying me for a typing mistake, I really had a gut check into whether or not I wanted to continue to be involved in special education. She very well changed my career and did she even realize it? This has made me think about what I am saying and how I am saying it these days. Hey it only took 32 years.

But as the home loan modification went through and life seems to be getting somewhat back on track financially and everyone around us having children at our age the conversation has come that way once more. Neither Shawn or I are getting any younger. And this has surprised me and upset me. Apparently unnamed people question my want for a child and my "over the top-ness" about everything has brought into question my ability to raise a health, happy child apparently.

So apparently statements about sacrifices that will need to be made to live comfortably with a child are statements of me not wanting children. When really they are just meant to be statements about changes in lifestyle that will be made. Being that I am not great with change, I feel the more talking about it the better.

So tonight as I was driving home from Boston for the 4th time this week I had too much running through my mind. I will need to assess how "over the top" I am, but I don't really want to change it - it is who I am and I make it no secret.

I personally think I would make a great mom but I have little experience in the area so I am just going on gut and what Leah, Kate and Kate have told me. Probably the people who know me best even though I haven't seen them in far too long and don't keep in touch like I should.